Middle Eastern girls reach pinnacle of understanding at Colorado camp

By Janna Graber, Special to the News
April 15, 2002

Each time a bomb goes off in Jerusalem or an armored personnel carrier turns down another street in the West Bank, hundreds of Israeli and Palestinian teen-age girls worry about their families and loved ones -- and about each other.

That they worry is understandable. As of late last week, since the latest uprising began in September 2000, more than 1,400 Palestinians had died, according to the Palestine Red Crescent Society, and nearly 465 Israelis had lost their lives, as reported by the Israeli consulate in Los Angeles. Most were civilians.

Eighteen-year-old Adva (only first names of participants are released, to guard against reprisals), an Israeli, fears for the safety of her best friend, Rawan, who is Palestinian. Although such friendships can be dangerous, the teens meet whenever they can.

"It is hard to find hope right now," Adva says by telephone from Jerusalem, "but Rawan and I draw hope from each other."

This unlikely friendship is the result of a Colorado program called "Building Bridges for Peace," run by Seeking Common Ground. For the past 10 summers, the nonprofit organization has brought teen-age girls from Israel, the West Bank and the Gaza Strip together to attend a three-week summer camp in Colorado's high country. American girls of all ethnic groups also attend. The idea behind the program is simple: It's hard to hate someone who has become your friend.

The program is the brainchild of Denver resident Melodye Feldman, a 46-year-old former social worker. Feldman, who says she is a devoted Jew, says the camp offers a safe, neutral place for the girls to share their stories and hear the experiences of others. "The girls live, eat and hang out together, and the barriers come tumbling down," Feldman says.

She works with girls, Feldman says, "because I think it's a voice and perspective that has not been heard. I think in order for peace in the Middle East, women have to be part of the democratic process."

Although the camp is fun, the goal is to teach communication skills. "Before you can get along with someone, you have to listen and understand how they feel," says Feldman.

While the young women may never agree on the conflict in their home countries, at least they understand another point of view. That, Feldman says, is the first step toward living together peacefully.

Pursuing peace, one person at a time, is one of Feldman's passions. But this wasn't always the case. Raised in Miami, where she attended Jewish private schools, Feldman says she was not exposed to other views. "Fifteen years ago, I was ignorant of Palestinian issues," she says. "My perspective changed when I went to visit my mom in Israel and crossed into the West Bank for the first time.

"What I saw there were human beings. People shopping, listening to music in cafes -- just people."

After the visit, Feldman went home and researched the Middle East conflict. She met with Israelis and Palestinians who were working toward a peaceful co-existence.

"I began to dream of a way to bring people in conflict together, so that they could just get to know each other," says Feldman. "Seeking Common Ground is the result of that dream."

So far, more than 400 Israeli, Palestinian and American girls have attended. Feldman admits that this is a drop in the bucket compared to the oceans of hatred boiling over in the Middle East, but she believes it's an effective way to wage peace.

"People pat me on the head, and think I'm naive about achieving peace," says Feldman. "But I'm not naive. This is well-grounded in experience. Making peace is a long process; it's messy and proactive and may take generations. A professor once told me that the best way to ensure your own safety was to ensure the safety of the other."

That lesson is not lost on camp attendees. "These kids understand all too well what is going on," Feldman says. "There is legitimate fear based on real situations, on both sides. But if we can look at each other as human beings and understand by hearing the story of the other, it makes it more difficult to pick up a stone or rifle."

That understanding does not come easily. When the girls arrive at the camp, they are wary of each other.

Katie Campbell, an 18-year-old senior at East High School, attended the camp two years ago. "The first night, the Israelis and Palestinian girls were screaming at each other, but no one was listening," she recalls. The scene brought her to tears.

That first night is a purposeful demonstration on how communication breaks down, Feldman says. After that, the girls are taught a communication skill called mirroring that often is used in couples counseling. The girls are put in pairs, and then one tells her story while the other listens without interruption, later repeating as accurately as possible what she heard.

"I had never met a Palestinian before I went to camp," says Adva, who attended the same camp as Katie did. "At first, I thought the Palestinian girls there should apologize to me for what the Palestinians had done, but then I learned about what Israel had done to them.

"Here I was, sitting with my supposed enemy. But she's telling me her story, and she's crying. How can I not hug her?"

For Rawan, now 19, it offered her first look at the Israeli point of view. "I learned that not only Palestinians suffered, but others, too -- and pain can't be measured," she says via e-mail from East Jerusalem.

For the Americans, the camp was eye-opening. "I sat with a Palestinian girl," Katie says, "and she was asking why America didn't care, why we were so ignorant of the conflict and didn't want peace. I felt bad because I hadn't known much about it. But now I do."

After she saw the conflict from the Palestinian perspective, Adva chose to do two years of community service instead of the military service all Israelis must perform. "I'm not willing to take any part of the institution that is occupying other people," she says. She is not alone in that decision: More than 400 other Israeli soldiers have refused to serve in the occupied Palestinian territories.

"Some say that betrays my country, but I don't see how," Adva says. "What I see right now is people dying all the time. It's no solution. It will just continue.

"I believe in this program because it works on the younger generation. If the government signs a piece of paper, it doesn't mean the killing will stop. It has to come from the people."

Rawan now recognizes that there are "bad people" on both sides of the conflict. "I learned to look beyond that to see the good in people, and not only the bad. I don't punish the entire nation because of the mistakes some do."

Feldman acknowledges that "there are Palestinians who want Jews dead and Israelis who want Arabs dead. But many do want peace. We're all waiting for someone to speak out, to give us permission to raise diverse voices. This program allows for that diversity."

Seeking Common Ground has three successful programs: the camp; Face to Face, an interfaith program in New York; and Interns for Peace, a program for older teens. Yet raising money is a constant struggle. Feldman rarely takes a salary and is grateful for the support of her husband, Josh, and son Coby, 16.

"Our doors have been close to shutting many times," she admits. "It takes $300,000 a year to run our programs, and we have a hard time raising that. I would do this in Afghanistan and other areas of conflict if I could. I'd run the program year-round.

"What's heartbreaking for me is that I see the concept work here, with these kids," Feldman says. "They form relationships and understanding. That's on a micro level; what if it could be on a macro level?"

The organization has a donated office in downtown Denver. Each day, Feldman fields calls from Palestinian and Israeli groups that work with her and reads dozens of e-mails from teen-agers in war-torn regions. Some share their sorrows, others their hopes. And they constantly ask about the next camp, Feldman says.

"We hope to do another camp soon, but it may be too dangerous right now," she says. "If so, we'll do a virtual camp online. Feldman dreams of someday having a place in Colorado for family camps, as well as to do research on building peaceful communities.

Feldman is frustrated that she can't do more to ease the conflict in the Middle East, but for girls like Adva, just having Feldman's support is a help. "Melodye is one of the only people who has gotten close to me," Adva says. "To see her working for us, to make our lives better, to change things -- that's so great. She changed my whole life. I can never thank her enough."

The girls draw on their experience in Colorado for strength in the difficult days ahead. "Right now, it feels like there is no hope for peace," Adva says. "But I hope for the day when I will feel safe in my home and when others feel the same.

"The last few weeks here in Jerusalem have been so gray and rainy and windy," the teen adds in a quiet voice. "If I believed in God, I would say that he is screaming right now."

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Sidebar:

Two years ago, 43 Palestinian, Israeli and American girls attending the "Building Bridges for Peace" program wrote a letter to their political leaders. Here are some excerpts:

• Here are some of the things that we learned over the past two weeks: to achieve peace, we must learn to listen; we must be willing to understand the other side."

   

• "The other side is not just a 'side'; they are individuals, human beings. Everyone feels pain, and it cannot be measured."

• "We wish you could see the camp and feel how much love we have for each other and how honest the friendships we share are."

• "None of us want war, so this is an invitation for you to think twice about what you are doing because people are now in danger."

• "The easy thing would be to continue fighting. But to strive to understand and compromise, that is the difficult choice. You are strong political leaders who can help to make the violence stop and peace come true."

• "Please take the challenge and change the future of your countries."